How to spend quality time together
Hello guys, welcome to my new blog, today we have compiled a handy list of some of the most important things to do to reconnect with a friend or loved one based on tips and advice from top relationship experts. Our goal here is to help you find new and exciting ways to spend quality time together. We’ve gathered a group of relatively inexpensive, fun, and interesting ideas for reconnecting with friends and we’ll also share a few classic tips to stay connected with your best friend or spouse.
1. Spend quality time together
Regardless of how much you enjoy spending time with a friend, you always feel refresh after spending time together, and this tends to spill over into your relationship. Spend regular time together. But make sure you both know how much you enjoy the time by spending together this will help you to prevent frustration if you’re not having fun together.
“Get a babysitter once in a while and go for a drive or sit by the lake or on a beach together for an evening,” says Kerri-Anne Mesner, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist and dating and relationship coach who’s often been called on by clients to help them reconnect with lost loved ones. “Go on vacation together and get away from the daily grind and daily grind is usually a negative experience.”
Add in the ever-important factor of meeting some new people while away, and it becomes easier to meet new people and form relationships with them.
Kerri-Anne also points out that staying connected isn’t limited to just the two of you. “You can send them a couple of cards with some photos of you and let them know you’re thinking about them,” she says.
2. Go on an unforced vacation together
Yes, many of us have grand vacation plans that we simply won’t be able to make, but even if you don’t, try to take a little trip or weekend getaway for just the two of you. Get a hotel, rent a beach house, or do something fun like take a cruise or go on a road trip.
If you haven’t done so in a while, this may also be a good time to readdress some past romantic memories you might have from your past relationships. Try to see past faults or imperfections and reconnect on a more playful, lighthearted level. You’ll both get a lot more out of the experience than simply having some fun together.
3. Don’t take things too seriously
Like all relationships, relationships with friends are about both people having a good time and enjoying each other’s company. Don’t take your friend or loved one’s behavior too personally, and most importantly, don’t start being critical. For those two simple reasons, you will likely get through any rough patches more easily.
Also, avoid getting a bit too serious, and make sure to remember that you can always be friends afterwards. After all, no one knows you better than your best friend, and you can always have a deep, meaningful, and emotionally healthy friendship after the relationship ends.
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4. Call or text them, often
You don’t have to be together in person to have a close friendship, so it’s only natural to spend a lot of time on the phone or texting with someone you care about, especially when you’re apart.
“When friends are separated by distance, all kinds of problems can crop up,” says Mesner. “They can become too busy with their lives to text or call, and you can miss having that one person to share things with on a regular basis.”
If you are separated by distance, it’s important to continue having a very open relationship, she says.
“You don’t want to try to become friends on a split, but you should still maintain a close friendship with the person you are no longer seeing,” says Mesner.
Additionally, it’s also important to communicate and make sure you are both still the best of friends when you’re reunited, and if you don’t talk to each other, this will only make that reunion more difficult. So, if you’ve decided to break up, make sure you take the time to end things in a healthy and calm manner, and then try to maintain a very open, healthy, and friendly friendship once you’re both back in the same town or area.
And if you both feel like calling or texting, then by all means do so. Don’t hesitate to text to ask about someone’s day, or even just to say you missed each other. Call or text to see if they would like to get together for lunch or a coffee.
5. Keep up the good work
If the two of you have made it through the hard times and made it into a successful and happy relationship, you can certainly continue to stay friends.
“It’s great if you want to remain friends after a breakup because it’s easier to be a couple of friends who are going through similar struggles, rather than trying to be a couple of best friends,” says Mesner.
However, if you just want to break up and have no desire to remain friends, then it’s not a good idea to keep in touch.
“If you just want to get over it, then you shouldn’t try to remain friends,” she says.
It’s OK to give it a shot and see what happens, but if you both feel that a friendship is something you’d rather not have, then maybe it’s better to cut off that relationship entirely.
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6. Try different communication styles
Communication styles vary between couples, and it’s possible you and your friend or loved one have different communication styles that make the breakup easier or harder.
“Some people who are good at communicating, like social workers, or people who are really good at expressing their emotions, might do really well in breakups,” says Mesner. “Others, like actors, have a whole other set of communication styles that come out when they are breaking up.”
If you feel like you’re better at emotional expression, it may make it easier to communicate with you friend or loved one if you try to do so.
However, if you are a good listener, perhaps a phone call, email, or text might be the best way to talk to your ex. Remember, it’s up to you to decide which style of communication works best, as it’s unlikely there is a right or wrong.
7. Be completely honest
If you feel like you can be totally honest with your friend or loved one after the relationship has ended, then go for it.
“Some people tend to fall into the trap of, ‘I don’t want to be the bad guy, so I’ll end it and be nice about it,’” says Mesner. “That works in the short term, but the person who has broken up with you needs to know the truth.”
If you have told someone you’re in a relationship with that you are no longer in one, and then say you are going to be remaining friends, then you are likely causing your friend or loved one a great deal of pain and confusion, especially if you tell them you are still going to be keeping up with their life, or even calling them in the middle of the night for no reason.
As Mesner says, you need to be up front and honest, even if that means hurting someone’s feelings, and there are definitely ways to break up and maintain your friendship, without lying.
8. Consider communicating with your ex in different ways
Breakups can be hard, but you can work to make them a little easier.
If you want to keep in touch, and you both feel like you want to keep in touch, then you could send a short, heartfelt email or text expressing what a great person they were, what you’ll both miss about them, and that you want to stay friends.
Alternatively, if you are not comfortable communicating in a way your ex will appreciate, then you could write a letter, or a series of letters.
While a letter may seem impersonal and old-fashioned, and it’s likely to be a little painful, it might be a good way to explain why you are ending the friendship, what you’ll be doing instead, and what you’re looking forward to.
9. Talk to someone (like a counselor)
It’s no fun talking to friends about ending a relationship, and it can feel a bit embarrassing. If you don’t have anyone you can talk to about it, then it might be a good idea to talk to a counselor, or someone you can trust.
This could be someone in your family, your partner, or another loved one. It can be especially helpful to talk to someone in that family circle, or with whom you feel you can be completely honest, because they will have a vested interest in helping you.
“Sometimes, it’s good to talk to people who are going through a similar experience because they’ll see what you’re going through,” says Mesner.
The counseling center I’m talking about has a fantastic program called The Five Point Program that provides services that help people talk through their problems, including ending friendships.
10. Try to put some of the hurt aside
The pain of a breakup can be very emotional and intense, and it’s important that you let yourself feel it, and not try to repress it. But, as Mesner says, try to put some of the hurt aside.
“Some people will say, ‘I just need to feel this right now.’ That’s not true. You need to deal with what happened, but you also need to go on living your life. You can’t cry all day and suffer in silence. You need to talk to your friends and family about what happened and why. You need to move on.”